I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
