im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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