i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
