I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
