hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize