ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
this is an emotional support booty call
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
