I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
