Cold hands, warm shart.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
