Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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