Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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