She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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