Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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