On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
