and you said cock pushups were impossible
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
