tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
