I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize