i just had sex bonerless
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
How does one acquire holy water?
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
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