We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
