Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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