I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
