Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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