I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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