Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
