What a fucking waste of an outfit
I have demons in me.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize