and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
