I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
