the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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