I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
