Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
