not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
