Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize