Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
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