I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
