broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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