Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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