i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize