I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
