Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
