so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
