My boss' voice literally gives me gas
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
