What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
