they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
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