Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
