I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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