"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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