I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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