My friends, they love my intelligence
I faked an abortion last night.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
