Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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