it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just tell him i said nine months
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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