By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
