you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
