i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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