I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
