why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
