I think I am morally bankrupt
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Randomize
