Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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