Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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