College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
