She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
