She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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