So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
