i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Randomize
