yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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