she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
