True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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