If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
