tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Is it because I queefed?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
