I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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