YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Randomize
