A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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