Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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