her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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